its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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