Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
