i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
