My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Did I show you my penis last night?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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