You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
