Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
