So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
