i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
