If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Randomize
