I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
