he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
