hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
