"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
