I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
