i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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