At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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