You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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