Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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