guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
