I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
