Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
