hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
