I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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