How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
