not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
