what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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