??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
