why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
