Ambien. No doubt about it.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
