I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
