Kiss
Puke
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
