i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
