How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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