You just made me feel so damn special
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Randomize
