I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
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