I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
