life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
