I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
