Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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