You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
