When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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