put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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