I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
