tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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