we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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