how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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