we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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