perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
