you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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