You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
