just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
